I read an article that one of my friends on Facebook shared last night. It said one of the biggest marriage killers was not lack of love, lack of sex, or anything related to that. It was simply unmet expectations. We go into many things in life like this, don’t we? You expect so many things and then they do not go even close to your way and you are left disappointed, or feeling like a failure or like somebody or something failed you. When in reality, nothing ever goes exactly as planned. Of course in my perfect world I would have the perfect marriage with perfectly behaved kids, and a perfectly clean house..right!? YEAH RIGHT! I know this is impossible, but I still get frustrated daily that I can’t keep up on my “chores” and I can’t get my kids to behave or eat one of the 15 options I gave them for dinner. And why didn’t my husband bring me home 10 pounds of chocolate, takeout, and 2 dozen roses!? HAHA! I’m kidding!! I would have a ton of unmet expectations daily if thats the crap I expected!
🤣 That brings me back to the original topic..unmet expectations in marriage. I try very hard not to focus on the unrealistic expectations I set in my head for my marriage..instead I wake up thankful I have this man I fell in love with so many years ago at such a young age..thankful we grew together and not apart in all of the trying times of growing into the adults we are today (god knows 20-30 are not the easiest years!) Do we vacation 3 times a year and have date night once a week..no. Do we get to eat dinner together every day and spend quality family time together daily no. But I go to bed next to someone I truly love and am thankful for any time I get with him. I have a beautiful home and 2 amazing, beautiful, super healthy children…and an amazing family/support system.
It is not an easy thing to let go of expectations. But why put that burden on that other person, to throw all of these you expect of them on their shoulders.. “you need to do X and Y in order to make me happy”. Is it our job to make another person happy? That is a tricky question. I believe if you truly love someone they make you happy just by being themselves..the person you fell in love with before life threw all of these responsibilities at us. Can you imagine at 20 years old caring if your significant other put the garbage out that night or washed their dishes or folded their laundry? NO! You just wanted to be with that person! Enjoy their company. You fell in love with their personality, their brains, their appearance, or whatever it was..you didn’t fall in love with their capability to do chores and pay bills and keep a house clean. While all of those things are important, they are not worth fighting about!!
So basically what I’m getting at..is basically to stop and smell the roses. Don’t dwell on the things you could not accomplish today or the fact that your husband left his dirty clothes on the floor or brought you home the wrong kind of milk. It is going to be okay! We cannot be perfect. Just know you are doing the best you can and if you feel you can do better..do it. I know I have so many things I need to work on as a mother, a wife, a friend. Tomorrow is another day. Have a wonderful rest of the week and remember to let go of your expectations of yourself and of the people around you and they may surprise you! Focusing on the positive things people give you rather than the things they are not doing for you can be freeing. Ciao xoxo <3